This one time after too many drinks i brought this guy back to my place. We started going at it then i noticed something plastic around his ear. After awkwardly staring at it he explains hes half deaf. Mid-romp i start whispering not so sweet nothings into his ear... he had to blurt out "huh?" and then asked me to say it all again in his good ear.

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

Last time i tried to take a boy home i realized i had not shaven my nether regions in months. i told the boy i had an ongoing "muff war" with my friends as an excuse.

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

Today i realized for the third time this week ive had toilet paper stuck in my bum. ive lost all feeling in my panties.

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

today all ive eaten is two bowls of french onion soup and the morning after pill.

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

Today was the first time I wore a skirt in three months, so I had to shave more than just my ankles.
WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

i shared a lollipop with my dog and we accidentally kissed. it really wasnt that bad. 

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

i needed a clean coffee mug this morning but my sink was too full. i decided to wash it while i showered... with a foot scrubber. 

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

this morning i woke up to find i had fallen asleep alone surrounded by snacks. my slurpee had fallen onto my crotch leaving the appearance of wetting myself. i also found hickory sticks in my bra. which i then ate.
WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?